Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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