Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
