i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
