Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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