there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
