she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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