My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
We named our party play list daddy issues
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize