She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My sheets look like a crime scene.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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