How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
