just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
