I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
