i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
