You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
my being single is dangerous.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
