Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
