they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
