Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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