You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Randomize
