The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
