You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
