If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
