fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
