Already got asked if we're dating
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
