remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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