Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
