Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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