you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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