he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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