I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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