just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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