I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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