ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
