i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
