I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
