I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
