He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
