spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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