fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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