So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
