the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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