google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
