chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
