my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
