but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
