I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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