By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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