My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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