Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
