She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
