I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
