so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize