how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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