yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
