Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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