Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
