I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
