he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
