i would punch a child for taco bell
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
