did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
