Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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