ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
