It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
