well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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