I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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