No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
