end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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