i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
