I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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