I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
