Please, let me fuck your mom
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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