Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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