I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
