I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
