We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
