I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
