I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
