You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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