Need sex. Gaining weight.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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