a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
