I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
