you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
