Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
