After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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