Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
