haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
