he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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