i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
