Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
