im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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