Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
