Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
