I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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