He is such a slut. More and more my type.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
